In the moment

I stopped searching for
happiness
and chose joy instead

--

November PAD Day 6 - happy now

Smothered

At first
you felt comfortable
and cool,
an old blanket
I could
wrap myself in,
never dreaming
that one day
that familiar
embrace of fabric
would become
like the
binding of bedsheets
prolonging the
terror of a
bad dream

No place like home

She sleeps in my bed
missing her own
but glad for the warmth

of my Egyptian cotton sheets
and the neutral
Target comforter set I shared

with the ex-boyfriend who left
me to play
house with a neighbor lady.

She thanks me for my
generosity, not knowing
I would burn that bed

and flee this tortured place,
run from this
incestuous den of communal pain

and the home built together, 
where any memories
of warmth have long died.

---

November PAD Day 27 - local

Birds and bees

He bumbled and buzzed
staggering across the bar
toward the woman
with feathers
in her hair
who

flitted and flirted
from one end of the room
to the other with such
staggering grace
he could not
resist


---

November PAD Day 28 - bird

Black Friday

Hallmark cards can't express how
much I loathe
Black Friday super mega sales


---

November PAD Day 29 - commercial

Sunsets

You rode into the sunset
disappearing behind a
horizon of your own making

I the steadfast sun and
you the earth
turning ever away from love



---

November PAD Day 30 - disappearing

Free at last

I had a dream
that one day
we would hear
church bells
clanging
like the love
in our chests

that we would
no longer
walk alone
but be an oasis
beckoning
each other
across the desert

--


November PAD Day 26 - free (blank) or (blank) free

Eclipsed

You eclipsed my view of the stars
when I put you on that pedestal,

leeched on like a remora to a
wretched, self-immolating man 

lost in the sun.

--

November PAD Day 22 - use three: ideogram, remora, casket, eclipse, selfie, wretch

S.O.S.

I never sent
the letters I wrote you
turns out that

the scribbled words
were really more for me
than for you


--

November PAD Day 21 - secret message

Baby

How do I
hold on to one who's
outgrown my embrace?

How do I
embrace letting go of the
grown man before me?

--
November PAD Day 19 - love or anti-love

Always a bridle

Hold your tongue
and stay the steady course
for the win

Don't dream of
letting go of the reins
to run free

--

November PAD Day 20 - Always (blank)

Alchemy

Sparks may fly
but I cannot turn leaden
heart to love


---
November PAD Day 17 - element

Maybe

Maybe
we would
be laughing now
rolling on the floor
like the children we are

Maybe
we would
be holding each
other's hands as we
journeyed into old age together

Maybe
we would
be bouncing babies
on our arthritic knees
remember our own little ones

Maybe
you could
forget the words
that drove you away
and remember this life instead

--

November PAD Day 18 - forget what I said earlier

What child is this

For all the homeless kids in Hollywood

Who are you
that send your lambs
to slaughter

The City of Angels
is no place
for children with dreams

Hope litters the sidewalks
like shards of
the broken bottle laying

at your baby's feet
as he sleeps
on the cold stoop of the YMCA

dreaming of a place
and face that he used
to call home

---

November PAD Day 15 - what (blank)

Call waiting

The woman on the phone
won't stop talking.
But I love her anyway.


Nov PAD #14 - stuck

cummings and goings

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are."
- e.e. cummings


I have sprouted like a wildflower
in a summer patch of green,
stretching tall in the happy sun.

I have wilted and drooped,
a sad, forgotten weed in the
midst of a dry, lonely winter.

And I have shriveled to dust,
a speck in the breeze that carries 
away what is left of me. 

And still I remain - weed and wildflower,
ash and seed, underfoot and in the air 
as you breathe in a lung full of hope and promise.

--
Nov PAD #8 - talk back to a dead poet

When he's gone

Hasn't happened yet, but it's so close I can already feel it.


WHEN HE'S GONE

When he's gone,
you'll miss the smell of
cologne he used

too much of;
the mess of his room
and the socks

on the floor.
You'll wonder if he's eating
or studying enough;

if he's using
a condom or smoking too
much cheap weed.

When he's gone,
you'll be glad he's off
exploring the world

as young men
eventually must, but wish he
would call home

once in awhile.


--

Nov PAD #9 - When he's gone

Dig in

If you look hard enough
you can often
find things that aren't there.


November PAD #19 - suspicious minds

Whenever we walk

through San Francisco streets
or bump and bumble
down Chinatown allies,

my inability
to walk a straight line
becomes ever so clear.

I trip over my own
feet or zig-zag down
the sidewalk pushing you

into parking meters
and piles of poop.
Thanks for standing by me.


November PAD #21 - whenever (blank)

Your mom's an Asian fruit

We giggle in grocery aisles
bantering back and forth like
14-year-old boys.

Durian, dates and double entendres
are our weapons of choice --
lobbed at each other

like melons, clumsy and graceless
and exploding awkwardly on impact
. . . that's what she said.


November PAD #22 - fruit